green eyed monster

jealousy has been getting the best of me in the past year. it fills me in ways i never thought it would, all consuming. while i do feel happy for changes in others' lives, i can't get past my own losses these days. instead of joy with good news, it sets me tumbling into a dark hole, where i drown in tears for hours. i WANT to be better, i want to feel genuinely happy. i want to be sincere, but its still too hard. i want to break free, i want to remove the 1000 # of weight crushing me. i want to shed the stress, the sadness, the heartache, but instead i feel crushed into the ground, buried alive and trampled by everyone passing me by...long forgetting what pains me most.